Saturday, April 21, 2007

because he grew up

i miss my best friend. i miss my best friend so much that i would eat nails with milk instead of cereals for breakfast. i miss him so badly that i'll do anything to bring him back. he's not dead--hell no! but in some little way, he somehow did, die.
i remember my freshman years. those days were one of the best moments i had with him. we would laugh together, go malling together, piss off a classmate together, and, well, we really didn't do this, but for the sake of completing my sentence, cry together. he was the only person in the world who made me realize that, despite my bullied elementary years, i can start a new beginning; and that it was my turn to bully and annoy people[snicker].
my best friend was a great influence to me; i owe him much. from treating me desserts, to paying for tokens at the arcade, every bit of it made sense to me--someone really does care for me.
although he was never really a good counselor(for all of the advices he gave me were jokes and they never solved my problem), i knew that in his own way, he cheered me up whenever i had problems.
but all of those are nothing but a memory. he grew up. he was no longer the funnny guy he used to be. spongebob and patrick have already parted, for patrick now has a girlfriend.
i don't know if i should be happy for him(or whatever) mainly because, he never showed me his emotional side. i feel that what he is getting into is merely infatuation and that his relationship with whatever that thing we call 'girl' will never last--and it really didn't. but i won't focus onthere yet, it's too early to write my ending.
everyday, i would see him holding hands with that girl(even during physics class!!!), and yes, i admit, i get jealous. not because i'm in love with him(eew!), but because he was my brother, and i cared for him, and i don't want him to feel what i have felt before when i got myself into those kind of relationships--shame, stupidity, and regret.
maybe right now you're saying, "it's a part of life. you don't have the right to stop people from doing what they want to do. we do grow up jesse, we most certainly do." but this i tell you, WE CAN ALWAYS GROW UP WITHOUT IT(whatever you call that thing). we can always hold on to being independent--and childish. we can always enjoy the blessings of being a youth. ok, so maybe i'm going a little too far 'cuz in that case, if we will grow up single, we will not be able to fully undrstand what life is--but that's not my point here. all i'm saying is that we can wait. we musn't rush in doing new things because we tend to lose and forget someone who deeply cares for us without knowing it.
nonetheless, i still miss him. i really do. now i no longer have someone to share with what spongebob did to squidward last night, why london is so dumb and zack and cody are such playboys, and how the powerpuff girls saved townsville.
perhaps it's a start of a new beginning for me. maybe i really should get over his 'death'.
somehow, he still lives in me. that good ol' bestfriend of mine will always be a part of me. i just know it. he somehow became a part of my identity making me a resemblance of him to others.
now that both of us are in college(we're enroled in different schools, so we normally don't see each other), he broke up with his girlfriend, and i'm hooked on havaianas, all that's left with me are memories(not even a photo of us together). our friendship is all but a memory.
i mourn for his death and for all those who lost their bestfriends and now laugh all by themselves.

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